Rime of the Crow Eater

Rime of the Crow Eater
by Eugene Field

Into the market place there came
(One autumn morning murky)
An old and battered veteran
To choose a proper turkey.
His coat tails and his shrunken shanks
Had cockle burrs stuck to 'em,
And his whiskers looked as if the wind
Of winter had blown through 'em.
And still as through those whiskers white
The breezes rudely fluttered,
The old man from a cracker-box
This strange recital uttered:
'Twice two long years," says he, "I've sot
Around the Grand Pacific,
And all that twice two years the feed
Has simply been terrific."
"For twice two years I've eaten crow
In widely various weathers;
Not only meat and skin and bones,
But also claws and feathers"
"The crow it is a dismal bird,
And deeply I abhor it;
For twice two years I've lived on crow,
Though never clamoring for it.
'What have we on the bill to-day?'
I'd question of the waiter;
'Turk fer the rest, *but you
Gets crow an' cold pertater'
"They gave me crow in every style
And every foreign name, sir
Alas ! no matter how disguised,
Crow always is the same, sir!
"Though it be christened a la mode,
Still is its flavor queer, sir;
No rhetoric can mitigate
Its consequences here, sir !
"In vain I fled from John B. Drake
To other restauraters;
In vain I sought for victuals else
Than crow and cold pertaters !"
"They fed me crow and only crow
Until I thought I'd die, sir;
I got so full of crow at last
I half opined I'd fly, sir !
"For, as I said a spell ago,
In fair and stormy weathers,
I ate not only the skin and bones
I ate also the feathers !
"The crow it is a noxious bird
To stomachs such as mine is;
But, heaven be praised! there is no ill
But some time has finis!
"Once, as I chewed the bitter cud
Of gloomy introspections,
A cheery voice broke in upon
The thread of my reflections.
"I looked up and saw the face
Of Captain John R. Tanner!
I heard salvation in his voice
I saw it in his manner
"At once dispelled were gnawing griefs
And apprehensions gloomy;
Of all the spectacles on earth,
This was the most precious to me !"
'John ! John !' I wailed, 'give piteous ear
Unto my tale of woe, sir;
For twice two years I've eaten crow,
And eaten only crow, sir !
'What wonder is it that I cry,
"O temp or a! O mores!"
Since gnawing crow has worn away
My DENTES INCISORES
'The bird of which you speak,' says John,
'It, too, has been my living;
But, Bailey, you and I shall gorge
On turkey, come Thanksgiving
' 'See here; I have a subtle soup
Corked up in this decanter,
With which I'll prove "similia
Similibus curanturT
* 'I shall inject this subtle soup
Into our common foe, sir;
Then shall we get the turkey-bird,
And they shall get the crow, sir !
* 'But never mind particulars
Just wait and watch the sequel !
Oh, we shall lead them such a dance
As never had an equal' "
'Twas even as John Tanner said,
And you will not deny it
If you observe, Thanksgiving Day,
My changed and sumptuous diet !
"Times are more prosperous than they were-
Once more we've peace and plenty;
Turkey shall be my dainty feast
Next week, Deo volente!
"For twice two years I've lived on crow
Through ever changeful weathers
Those twice two cycles fed on skins,
Bones, inwards, claws and feathers."
"But fickle fate has brought me joy,
And, feeling blithe and perky,
I've come into the market place
To fetch a bouncing turkey.
"No senile, starveling bird will do
But one that's young and tender;
One that is whiskerless and plump,
And of the female gender"
"I'll carve it next Thanksgiving Day,
And pour the oyster sauce on
'Twill be a goodly change from crow"
Quoth grand old Bailey Dawson-