Story Time

My book club met yesterday to discuss our latest read, Princess Academy by Shannon Hale. Young girls experiencing mild teenage angst may be the target audience, but it's a pleasant enough read for any age. One nugget of usefulness was enfolded within its pages, the rules of diplomacy. Lorrie, our discussion leader for the day, thought it'd be worthwhile to post them on the fridge for help in resolving family disputes. So here they are, completely free of charge:
1. State the problem; 2. Admit your own error; 3. State the error of the other party; 4. Propose specific compromises; 5. Invite mutual acceptance; 6. Illustrate the negative outcome of refusal and the positive of acceptance; 7. Assert a deadline for acceptance. It was fun to see how the girls used these newly-learned rules on their tutor, and won their point with her, to everyone's delight, including the tutor's.

Dan and I have a bet on the Harry Potter series. He says I won't finish it, I say, rather weakly, that I probably will. Well, so far it's one down and six to go. I'm taking the second book with me for my reading pleasure this weekend. Kimball challenged me to read it since his boys, Jaxon and Kade, have enjoyed it so much. So what's a self-respecting grandmother to do? Shane and Colin had a heyday with the series too, so it's HP for me!
The book I'm most excited about reading right now though is by Richard and LindaEyre, with their daughter, Saren Eyre Loosli, and it's called Empty-Nest Parenting: Adjusting Your Stewardship As Your Children Leave Home. It just arrived in the mail from the Utah State Library for the Blind on cassette tape yesterday, and already, I'm hooked. I'll give you a little peek into the book.
First excerpt:
This is not a book written for people who are content to have average families. This is not a book written for people who just want a few easy little ideas for staying in touch or setting up trust funds for grandkids. This is not a book written for people who think that enduring families or great adult family relationships just happen by luck or by chance. We're going to try to persuade you, or support you if you already believe, that families and family relationships need constant maintenance. This is a book about choosing who you want to be for the rest of your life, and centering that choice on family; making family bonds grow stronger rather than weaker as years pass and generations grow up; becoming true patriarchs or matriarchs and leading and supporting your family forever; creating a mutually beneficial and increasingly interdependent relationship with your children as you share your lives , your knowledge, and your love.

Second excerpt:
Somewhere along the line here in America, we have come to the common narrow notion that family means parents and the young children who live with them; and, that once the kids move on to their own families, parents should let them have their independence by getting out of the picture. Thus we give up and walk away from the role we ought to play for the rest of our lives, the role that will help our children most and that will preserve our own dignity, respect and happiness: The ongoing role of parent, adviser, grandparent, and family head. We also give up priceless opportunities to learn from our children, share their lives, and enjoy their friendship. Empty-nestparenting doesn't mean we don't enjoy the greater freedom and flexibility that come with an empty nest, but it does mean that we continue to be involved and active as the heads of our family, and that we develop new and mutually beneficial ways of interacting with our kids.
Third excerpt from their daughter, Saren:
Let me insert a word here. I agree that parents should stay involved but some empty-nest parents go too far, clinging to their children and to the role they played while their kids were young, trying to maintain control or have influence over every little thing in their adult children's lives. Some parents have a very hard time moving into a parenting role that respects their kids' independence while continuing to give support.
Last excerpt:
We say "no other success can compensate for failure in the home" and "the most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home." But we really know (don't we?) that when President McKay and President Lee said "home", they didn't mean house, they meant family. And, they meant it for the long-term.

If the rest of the book continues in the same enlightening vein, I'll post more of its pearls of wisdom. This is a subject I've rarely heard addressed and I think it's going to be "high quality," as Jordan liked to say.

Oh My Wrestling Stars!

It's hard to believe that we've had 22 seasons' worth of wrestling in our family, and that this week marks the end of it all. Little did I know what we were in for when I suggested to Ethan, way back when he was in seventh grade, that maybe he should ask his deacons quorum adviser (who was the coach) if it was too late to join the Royal Middle School wrestling team. Every boy, from oldest to youngest, gave wrestling a go, and all are stars, notwithstanding the number of medals they accumulated. This weekend, February 27th and 28th, our last son has his last chance to win the last wrestling medal at the Idaho State tournament in Pocatello. We'll be there, with bells on. Ok, maybe we'll leave the bells at home, but we will be there, supporting Shane, and honoring the collective efforts of all our sons, of whom we feel immensely blessed to have in our lives.

Wrestling is a sport that requires real mettle to be competitive. Mettle: heart, spirit, courage, strength of character. A few weeks ago, one of Shane's opponents defeated him by throwing him forcefully to the mat. Shane sustained a slight concussion and was unable to hear, or see, or think clearly for most of the rest of the match( for which the coach apologized for not calling an injury timeout). True to his resolute nature, and to the nature of each of his brothers, Shane kept on going, trying to make a comeback despite the adverse circumstances at hand. He was able to put that tough loss behind him, and move on to subsequent matches, most of which he's won. He's now the third seed in the 130lb 5A weight class in the state. Go Shane! Go Shane's brothers! If you get taken down, reversed, or even thrown, get up and go, go for the good and the gold and the glory!..the celestial glory.

Happy Together in Georgia

Bonnie, Dan, and Kimball

Bonnie with Uncle Jack Smith

The Gift of Family

One of the greatest gifts
That life can give to anyone
Is the very special love that families share...
As years go by,
It's good to know that there will always be
Certain people in our lives who care.
For there are countless things
That only families have in common
And memories that no one else can make...
And these precious ties that bind a family together
Are bonds that time and distance cannot break.
How fortunate we are
When we have relatives to love us,
It makes the world a happy place to be...
Few gifts in life
Will last as long
Or touch the heart as deeply
As the very special gift
Of family.

John Emmett Smith

Johnny, Julie, Jae, Bonnie, Jenny, Jamie

Jamie's Family

Julie's Family

Jenny's Family

My thanks to cousin Grady Clark for the pictures.

6,760,432,843 hearts

The current world population stands at six billion, seven hundred sixty million, four hundred thirty-two thousand, eight hundred forty-three! Presumably, almost every one of these people has a heart, and every heart has a condition of some kind or other. I'm personally aware of light and happy hearts, and of heavy, hurting hearts. I know of soft hearts and hard hearts, humble hearts and proud hearts, tiny hearts and great big hearts, strong hearts, weak hearts, brave hearts, pure hearts, all kinds of hearts.


What state is my own heart in? It's in Idaho, of course. Actually, it's in a state of deep concern for dear ones whose hearts are suffering greatly right now. I hope they feel the hearts of many reaching out to them in love and support. The first valentine poems below acknowledge the pain of the broken heart. The later ones hold the promise of a return to love and happiness for them, and celebrate love's present existence.


A heart that's been broken

has a tiny hinge

And when it happens a
second or third time

it just

swings open and shut

like a gate.

Maureen Owen


SIMPLE-SONG


When we are going toward someone we say

you are just like me

your thoughts are my brothers
word matches word

how easy to be together.



When we are leaving someone we say

how strange you are
we cannot communicate

we can never agree
how hard, hard and weary to be together.


We are not different nor alike

but each strange in his leather body

sealed in skin and reaching out clumsy hands

and loving is an act

that cannot outlive

the open hand

the open eye

the door in the chest standing open.

Marge Piercy



Love is like an onion, you taste it with delight.

But when it's gone, you wonder

What ever made you bite.

Love is a funny thing, like a lizard,

It curls around your heart,

And jumps into your gizzard.



Love is swell, its so enticing.
It's orange jell, it's strawberry icing,

It's charlotte russe, it's roasted goose,

It's ham on rye, it's banana pie.
Love is all good things without a question,

In other words, it's indigestion.
Ravi Zacharias




VALENTINE



Chipmunks jump, and

Greensnakes slither.

Rather burst than

Not be with her.


Bluebirds fight, but

Bears are stronger.

We've got fifty

Years or longer.



Hoptoads hop, but

Hogs are fatter.

Nothing else but

Us can matter.


Donald Hall



A NEGRO LOVE SONG



Seen my lady home las' night,

Jump back, honey, jump back.

Hel' huh han' an' sque'z it tight,

Jump back, honey, jump back.
Hyeahd huh sigh a little sigh,

Seen a light gleam f'om huh eye,

An' a smile go flittin' by--

Jump back, honey, jump back.


Hyeahd de win' blow thoo de pine,

Jump back, honey, jump back,

Mockin'-bird was singin' fine,

Jump back, honey, jump back.

An' my hea't was beatin' so,

When I reached my lady's do',
Dat I couldn't ba' to go--

Jump back, honey, jump back.



Put my ahm aroun' huh wais',

Jump back, honey, jump back.

Raised huh lips an' took a tase,

Jump back, honey, jump back.

Love me, honey, love me true?
Love me well ez I love you?

An' she answe'd, "'Cose I do"--

Jump back, honey, jump back.


Paul Laurence Dunbar


My last valentine is a beautiful love song that could make you cry. This is Eva Cassidy, singing Love Is Like A Red, Red Rose by Scottish poet, Robert Burns (1759-1796).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_gqctUZ4Oc&feature=related



I have a valentine's prayer for the Lord, asking Him to bless all hearts to turn to Him, so they can be filled with healing, peace, purity, and joy.

Y'all Are My Sunshine

Warm and mostly sunny, with highs in the 60's on Saturday and up into the 70's on Sunday, the weather in Georgia was perfect last weekend. The people were even warmer and sunnier than the weather, exceeding perfection. I thought it was going to be a joyful event, and it truly was! My parents would have ben so happy with all that took place (well, with almost all that took place.).

Dan and I traveled with my sister Julie, and her two sons, Shon and Seth, her daughter, Amy, and her daughter-in-law, Cody and her nearly one-year-old baby girl, Hailey Sierra Baird. What a fun and lively group to be with! Considerate too. The hotel lobby was put to good use during our stay with lots of visiting among cousins, aunts and uncles. Of my parents 7 children, 5 were there, with Becky and Jim being absent due to their missions in India and in heaven. Out of their 35 grandchildren, 21 were present. Only two great-grandchildren were there, little Hailey, and John Saxon's 4-y/o son, Ethan. Mother's brother, Ozzle Coy Jones, drove down, as well as another relative of hers, Marilyn. Daddy's siblings, our beautiful Aunts June, Jeanette, Janice, and the dashing Uncle Jack were there, as well as his former wife, Aunt Sue, with most of their children, our cousins Joy and Judy, Smith, Jill, Jody, and John. Daddy's cousin and boyhood pal, Lawrence Clark, wasn't able to be there due to illness, but his wife Lolita, and their son, Grady, were there. Then there were friends and former co-workers, who were friends too, and former fellow branch or ward members. I heard friendly voices I hadn't heard in years and years. My heart is truly overflowing with love and warm memories, and I feel spiritually nourished and enriched by our gathering in honor of my Mom. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father created family as the basic unit of society, and that families can become eternal. Losing a precious member of one's family can be a temporary loss!

My sister Jamie did a fine job planning and coordinating everything. And she also provided us with some lighthearted entertainment Saturday evening at the Cracker Barrel in Tifton. She and Jenny, and Julie, and Dan and I shared a table. Jamie excused herself to go check on her friend, Judith, or so she claims. But she came back with a few hush puppies, a delicious southern fried bread, and some biscuits. As Shon was handing his plate to the waitress after finishing his meal, Jamie asked for his untouched hush puppies. Then she spied a couple of pieces of fried okra on his plate and quickly ate them. Kimball asked the waitress, "Who is that woman?" The waitress replied, "I don't know. Somebody who's hungry, I guess." Jamie went on another foray and brought back more biscuits from a couple of other cousins, and a bowl of grits. I spoke for the grits. I didn't want to visit GA without having had grits, for goodness sakes.

With my niece, Amy Baird Jackson's permission, I'm now posting her blog entry that covers the same time frame, along with some of her sunshiny memories.. She wrote both beautifully and historically.

Amy's Blog Entry

This past weekend was such a great weekend and was a great boost to my spirits. My grandmother passed away and at the last moment I decided to accompany my mom and 2 brothers to Georgia for the funeral services. There were 2 big takeaway thoughts or impressions I had about this weekend:

1- A greater sense of self and my heritage 2- The importance of family and a mother

My grandmother was from Georgia, as is my mother. I was the only child of 6 born there and we spent a lot of summers and vacations to the small country town of Moultrie, Georgia. It’s a place I have always loved! Moultrie is very small and quaint; my grandmother lived about 8 miles out of town and had a nice home that sat on 5 acres.About 2 of those acres were a huge clearing in which her home sat. To one side was an enormous raspberry patch and the rest was surrounded by woods. If you walked about 1/4 mile into the woods you’d find yourself in a cotton field, after crossing the field some more woods, and finally a swamp/pond. We always thought there were gators in it, but we really knew better; we just liked scaring each other. It was a magical, wonderful place for a child. When we weren’t out exploring, my sister and I were dressing up in grandma’s old clothes and jewelry and putting on her powder and lipstick. I also took a fancy to her large record player. I would play record after record; Georgia on my mind was my very favorite. I haven’t been to Moultrie for several years and absolutely loved going back. I LOVE the country feeling and not having suburbs; it felt so good and peaceful. I loved rediscovering this part of who I am. It’s all a part of who I am and my heritage. I need to recognize that more and even develop it into my life more so. What was even better than just being back in Georgia was seeing family. Out of 35 grandchildren, 21 were able to make it, 22 if you count my sister in law who came to represent my brother. Many of these cousins I have not seen since I was a small child. We spent hours in our hotel lobby telling all kinds of stories and loving just being together. In addition to cousins, all of my grandmother’s living children were present as were her brother and all her brother and sisters-in-law. I loved seeing all of these great aunt’s and uncles. These aunts are truly the definition of a Southern Belle and are simply beautiful! I always loved these aunts because I have always been told I favor the Smith look and have some of the facial features of these aunts, but they are in a whole other realm! Many of these great aunts and uncles even had their older children present, some I have never met and some only once or twice in my lifetime. They were all soooo friendly and genuinely interested in everyone and their affairs. These experiences with my family reminded me of the importance of family and my desire to teach that to Ivy. I want her to build strong relationships with her cousins and aunts and uncles. I want her to have a desire to learn of her ancestors and of their legacy and her own heritage, just as the scripture in Malachi says that the hearts of the father will be turned toward the child and the heart of the child will be turned towards the father. The funeral service itself was quite beautiful and to the point. It felt good being there with so many family members, I can’t think of a better way to honor my sweet grandmother; she loved her family more than anything and was never short of compliments for each one of us. As my uncle and aunts spoke during the service a recurring theme was presented about how their mother had taught them so many things. How to cook, how to sew, stressed the importance of education, but most importantly taught her children about Christ, about Faith, and had helped tremendously in each of their testimonies. This mother really helped define her children’s lives and became a big part of who they are. I sometimes forget that about motherhood. I forget it about my mom; I forget it as I am trying to raise my own little family. Motherhood truly is an enormous role and the importance of it can not be underestimated. I am grateful for a wonderful grandmother who knew that and made mothering a priority in her life. I am grateful for a mother who does the same and goes above and beyond. I just need to remember that in all that I do within my home and try to be as wonderful as these great women in my life.

--written by Amy Baird Jackson

Februlous Fabuary

I've always been partial to the month of February, the month of love. Dan and I had our very first date on Feb. 4th, 1972. We went to a BYU basketball game in the Marriott Center. I even remember what I wore...purple bell bottoms and a purple and white sweater. Woo-woo, love was in the air that night, and it still is. Dan and I will be with many, many loved ones that we rarely see this weekend. I'm expecting it to be like a little bit of heaven on earth. I wish I could have purchased tickets for our whole family to be with us there, but that's not possible. We're going to Georgia for my Mom's funeral.

Funerals don't always mean only tears and sorrow. In my Mother's case, even though there will surely be some tears, it will mostly be a time of rejoicing in the knowledge that heaven is real, that she is there, and that if we prepare well, we'll be there together someday. I cherish my life here, but with Jordan and more and more loved ones there, heaven is becoming an ever-increasingly desirable destination!

We're spending Thursday and Sunday nights in SLC at the home of my sister, Julie, and Friday and Saturday in GA. I'm thinking there will be angels among us throughout our travels. As it now stands, Colin will drive us to Utah and visit with some of his former missionary buddies, Shane will hold down the fort here at home, and Brianna left yesterday for a month of intensive yoga study in Colorado. (BTW, Shane got his 100th win of his high school wrestling career last night!!!) Coming together to honor the lives and love of James and Myrtice Smith, makes this a February among Februaries, a month devoted to an eternal family's supernal love.