23rd and 24th Trips to the NIH

 

I can’t tell if anyone is reading these posts, but I want to write them down because they are very meaningful to me, and it could be that someday a grandchild or a great grandchild might find them of interest as well.  So: My friend Karen D accompanied me in March to my 23^rd NIH appointment. The PA, Janet V., went over my lab results with me, and all look good. But when I met with Dr. F a little later, some of his remarks filled me with concern, or more accurately, anxiety. He told me that even though I was doing very well on the Ibrutinib, my lymph nodes would have to continue to reduce in size or I would be taken off the clinical trial.  He then suggested some other drug and clinical trials I could look into if I had to stop taking Ibrutinib.  None of these were being offered at the NIH, and I knew I would be unable to travel to other facilities to participate in a trial.  The NIH trials are the most economical trials ever.  Nothing else even comes close.  This was all the more shocking to me because I had been told two years before that I would remain on the trial unless the lymph nodes increased by 50%.  Dr. F. specifically said during this visit that even if they remained stable, I would no longer be in the trial, because they had to be continually reducing in size.  I didn’t understand this change in policy then, and I still don’t understand it today.  But I decided to make a concerted effort to calm myself down, and to trust God’s plan for me.  So perhaps that was the point all along. It brought me to the realization that I can greatly control, or at least moderate, my emotions in difficult times, and I have been using this new-found ability to good effect ever since!  

 

My local oncologist added to my acceptance of this wrinkle in the clinical trial’s requirements when she offered   to prescribe Ibrrutinib for me should it become necessary.  However, the great nnews I received at my 24^th trip to the NIH on June 15^th is that my lymph nodes are continuing to reduce in size, and I am still in the trial!  Dr. F., whom I truly respect and admire, is leaving the NIH for another position, so I consulted with Dr. Adrian W. and Dr. Ahn at this appointment. Interestingly, it seemed to me that Dr. W was surprised upon hearing that my continued trial participation had been in question, asking me why I’d thought this was the case.  I’d heard him clicking around on the computer, probably searching for notes on my previous appointment.  When I explained what I’d been told in March, he only listened, making no comment.  I would have liked to know what he was thinking.  It may have cleared up the confusion surrounding the trial eligibility.  But one more happy circumstance on this recent visit is that I was able to forgo a bone marrow biopsy.  Last year’s good results indicated a follow-up BMB was unnecessary at this time! It’s hard to believe, but my fifth year on Ibrutinib has begun.  I hope it goes on and on.  But if and when it must come to an end, my gratitude for this experience will certainly remain.  I’m also very thankful to my sister, Julie, for accompanying me to the NIH in June!